#does anyone even care lmao
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kiivg · 1 month ago
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.i am once again kissing davrin <3.
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yardsards · 9 months ago
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i needed to express a sentiment in the creative stylings of @dunmeshiminimumwage
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#eliot posts#dunme#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi#sorry to put toshiro in the roll of shitty job interviewer lmao#but he was the best fit for ''guy that wants me to read their mind''#laios being my internal monologue here#i was on my THIRD interview of the day i was Dying#tho since the prev two interviews i had were for similar positions and told me their salaries outright at least i could use that number#(though tbh my work persona is more of a kabru. my customer service voice is unparalleled)#(at my first job even my coworkers thought i was sooo cheerful til i got too comfy and casually made a joke abt wanting to asphyxiate on a#plastic shopping bag like a sea turtle. in front of my sweet elderly coworker. oops!)#(also this job was during quarantine and after weeks of working together i took my mask off in front of one coworker for the first time#and she called like half the department over from their registers to look at how pretty i was??? prettyboy powers unmatched ig)#(also my first interview today went SO well i charmed that interviewer so good despite my lack of qualifications)#(she even complimented my social skills and said i seemed like the type who could get along well and make good conversation with anyone!)#(which is important bc i was interviewing for an elder care position. also old people especially tend to think i am a Delightful Young Lad)#(unless i accidentally make a morbid joke around them ig lmaooo. or. well. some of them like those too. but not that one coworker lol)#(if only that skill transferred over to actually making friends irl. my autistic ass has so few close irl connections)#(i hope my exceedingly short list of character references does not prevent me from getting hired)#AND ALSO my first job asked the same wage question and i said twelve dollars#and they were like all our new employees start at 7.75#the union insists that we pay all new employees a whopping 50 cents above min wage. (we'd pay less if we could)#like dawg why did you ask that then??? if my answer did not matter at all???
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risingsunresistance · 28 days ago
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sorry him saying he has no idea where the misogyny thing comes from when ludwig just talked about how he sent him a big apology for calling his friend a whore when it was about THE WRONG WOMAN is funny as fuck
i dont think he realizes that the reason no one gives a shit about his apologies and honestly just straight up ignores them is because EVEN IN THE EVENT THAT THEY ARE TRUE he's been proven to lie soooooo many times to the point where you really cant believe a word that comes out of his mouth. he says something and im like "damn maybe i was wrong about that one... i'll look into it" and you get more info and go "oh. he just made that part up. and misworded that. and lied about that part... oh it was actually WORSE than i initially thought!"
#im sure tommy has done some dumb shit#i am MUCH more likely to believe he can change and grow as a person than you can 🧍#im willing to stick by him and watch him become a better person and own up to his mistakes#i have been trying so hard to see the good in you for like 4 years now and i just. cant. every time i think i might be wrong im right again#i HATE to bring it back to this bc it's such a non-issue and not very relevant but#the speedrun issue really was where he showed his true colors#the actual subject here doesnt matter im talking about the way he handled it. im still pissed off all this time later i'll never get over i#he cheats. BLATANTLY cheats. gets proven. sends his mob after the mods. denies everything#hires someone with all this money he has to say he didnt cheat (BUT THE GUY NEVER EVEN SAYS THAT HE JUST CLAIMS THE GUY SAYS IT)#(BC HE DOESNT EXPECT ANYONE TO ACTUALLY READ THIS DOC HE THINKS HIS SUMMARY IS ALL THAT MATTERS)#finds out he did cheat But On Accident (supposedly)#DOESNT SAY SHIT FOR MONTHS AND LETS EVERYONE CONTINUE TO HARASS THE MODS. GEO IS SUICIDAL#and then does a stream where he's like haha hey guys so umm i did an oopsie 😝 but i didnt cheat this isnt cheating it's just. lying!#anyways it doesnt matter bc this was so fun and i had a blast making content :) and besides it isnt a big deal anyways it's just a game :)#months of harassment didnt affect ME so you should be fine :D was a lot of fun thx guys :)#THAT SHIT was where i lost all respect for him#THAT was where i saw this same pattern every damn time#doesnt matter how big or small the issue is it's the same damn thing every single time#even when you're right. you've destroyed all your credibility by continuing this behavior!#yeah you're valid in thinking tommy downplaying your videos is just mean but. frankly i dont give a fuck!#you're probably right about a few other things too and again i just dont care!! he can change and grow and you never will!!!#i'm willing to give him a chance. you've had PLEEEEENTY of chances and havent taken a single one#chat#discourse#i guess? idk this is the only angry rant i'll do. i feel bad might as well add to it lmao
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manglam-marfach · 11 months ago
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dyke!Chilaios has me understanding breeding kink all of a sudden
#chilaios#that's a lie i understand breeding kink very well lmao#HOWEVER IT MUST BE SAID#they finish up a great scene. hot lesbian sex. all going well.#and laios lies back with her eyes closed. still flushed and sweaty. she rests her naked hand on her naked lower stomach and says. 'hah....#'did you know ...that tallmen and halflings can have kids together?' Like its just another fun monster fact.#she's trailing her fingers absentmindedly over her stomach now. tracing idle patterns.#'with our lifespans being so similar it isn't even as big a deal as it is for elves and humans. they're even fertile and that's ...#that's really rare for hybrids.' her eyes are still closed. she swallows hard. She's more red now than she was when they fucked.#'you should talk about that next time you're in me. i'd like it...' and she cracks one eye open a sliver#to see chilchuck . BEET. RED.#because Chilchuck DID NOT. KNOW.#She was already fucked out and now she's dying?? she's dying. Laios still has her huge hand resting on her huge smooth stomach#miles and miles of soft skin...that she wants chilchuck to put a BABY in#she's thought about the hypothetical lifespan and safety of the hypothetical baby! is this just a sex thing? is this a for real thing?#chilchuck does not know and does not know which one she's hoping for now!! cause both sound GREAT#AND OF COURSE THERE'S ALSO#chilchuck remembering that conversaion next time Laios's huge huge fingers are inside her. Laios's hot wet breathing by her ear.#Laios's breathing going ragged even though no one is touching HER she is the one toying with Chilchuck right now. She always does that.#between the breathing and the fingers and the warmth and the smell Laios is all around her and she just thinks -#'Laios is so huge. Laios's baby would be so huge. I'd be so huge. Pregnant with it.' And she cums.#rattles her to her fucking core. Chilchuck who HAS BEEN PREGNANT BEFORE realising. holy shit.#i want this fluffy haired socially awkward 26 year old doggirl to . to fuck a baby into me. in a sexy way.#i think . I think it's hot.#enough to turn you to drink isn't it!#u may ask - hey how come chilchuck has a girlcock and has got pregnant? can laios get chilchuck pregnant?#does anyone even have a womb in this situation? I may answer - don't worry about it#a wizard did it. whatever. its a fantasy world.#whatever is sexiest in the moment i don't care#lesbiance
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romanticatheartt · 4 months ago
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Anti Amren crowd are the most unserious people ever lmao
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beanghostprincess · 3 months ago
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I mean… wlw content get overshadowed by mlm ships everyday so it is insensitive a little
Not to sound too mean but what do you expect me to do? I get that sapphic ships get overshadowed and underrated all the time in comparison to achillean ones. Believe me. I am a lesbian who is constantly pushing their sapphic ships everywhere.
But you can't expect people to suddenly stop posting about the achillean ships they enjoy just because they're more popular than YOUR favorite ships. Is it bothersome that achillean ships get more attention for the sole reason of being a male pairing while sapphic ships get ignored or not even suggested? Yeah!!!! It's frustrating.
But if you want some change in the amount of content you see then it's YOUR fight only and others should be allowed to post whatever they like. If you want to post only sapphic ships or you're bothered by them being talked in the same light as achillean ones, then it's YOUR choice to make.
Fandom is NOT activism!!! Fandom is meant to be enjoyed in whatever way you want. Fandom is to interpret media in your own way. So, honestly, if I want to make a simple post comparing two ships I like, why should I be trying to defend myself here for that? If people don't like it, then they can just block me, scroll, move on, etc.
To think a post about comparing fictional ships is insensitive is insane to me, tbh.
#bro i just made a post comparing a sapphic and an achillean ship please relax lmao#& don't act like this isn't specifically about shuggy hate bc i'm sure if it had been any other mlm ship i wouldn't have been getting hate#can i just PLEASE run my account however i like#also touch some grass these are fictional characters and making a wlw ship more popular won't do any changes in real life#and even if it did bc after all fandom IS a social enviornment and normalizing sapphic relationships is great always:#you can't just tell people they're being insensitive when it's just a simple post#i understand your point i really do#you think that comparing a sapphic ship to an achillean ship is bad bc it makes it focus on MEN only#and we already live in a men's world to have to deal with more men ig#but !!!!!!!!! something really fun about fandom is that it's FICTION and it does not affect reality in any way#and yes it is bothersome in a social level that male characters are more popular and we can study that and be bothered by it#but to claim it's insesitive or bad or harmful is just plainly stupid#once again fandom is not activism and i don't owe anyone to change my posts to highlight other ships more when my acc MINE#tldr i hate these discourses bc it makes ME be rude when i hate that#in fact i wouldn't be this mean rn if it wasn't bc i'm getting A LOT of asks abt this bc of a simple post lmao#you know i have a job to care about it's insane to me that you have enough free time to go to other people's acc to complain
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xxplastic-cubexx · 2 months ago
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you say they can’t put telepaths in marvel rivals, yet we have some very credible leaks that jean grey and emma frost are gonna be in the game soon.
that being said, jean has telekinesis (and the phoenix force) and emma has her diamond form. telepathy is all charles has, lmfao. odds are pretty low for him, but maybe not zero if they give him telekinesis!
if yall have me say he got psionic blasts one more time i am going to scream HE HAS MORE THAN TELEPATHY . LIMITED BUT HE HAS IT <- he has gone against sentinels and disabled armies with it before HE CAN FIGHT I PROMISEEE
and technically they did give him telekinesis in krakoa (and very weak telekinesis sometimes before krakoa) so .... not my fave move but he does have that ...... and ig they give him a gun sometimes ........ last resort type shit but he has options ..
#snap chats#area man gets too passionate about charles xavier more at 12#also did i not say emma had her diamond form or did i delete that tag#omg no i deleted the tag fuck my life. please believe me i did say emma had her diamond form i didnt think anyoned care tho#but with charles. as i said before. he has more than telepathy ...#limited but .. it exists options exist ... he can also Arguably control machinery#i say Arguably cause im still figuring out how he controls machines he says he does with his mind#then he can Also read like ??? SOME kinda waves in sentinels ??? that was a thing im p sure#BUT YEAH NO LISTEN this is what im saying when i say he could be a support character and not a duelist#as if anyone was contemplating duelist charles ........#lol i love how i call 'vanguards' tanks and 'strategists' supports but i stick with duelist for damage. sorry duelist better#anyway let charles be support it'll never happen because this game hates me but i can dream#listen im just saying maybe charles can have a move that disables machinery or something#like punisher or iron man... maybe like a temporary lock on weapons... just one target#lmao wait im just thinking of sombras ult from ow arent i. yeah fuck it why not he can have a disable-all-skills ult idc vejRLKAERJE#sounds bout right for how sneaky he is sometimes .....#his left and right clicks could lit just be psionic blasts of varying strength and speed#doesnt even have to do physical damage ... mental damange .... what the difference right the brain sayin There Is Pain anyway..#maybe charles could have a sonar ability that lets him (maybe nearby allies too) see through walls for like. three seconds... 50M range....#like yk what i mean he can sense where people are thats my idea...#LIKE LET ME COOK MARVEL LET MEEE IN <- dont ill make him busted or horrible there is no in between
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riacte · 7 months ago
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the way blue bats 9 started off being slept on by reddit while the hermit fans staunchly believed in them only for the reddit to now staunchly stand by the blue bats while its impact get ignored by a section of hermit fans lol. hbomb wasn’t lying when he said they all slept on the blue bats xhdhfjejfj
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oatmealcrisp-freak · 23 days ago
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unpopular opinion - the ddlc girls are great and i love them and its totally understandable why everyone loves them - theyre incredibly well written in so many ways - but
i want more protag-kun content also :(
#he's got a character arc too!!!! cmon :(#monika and the player are using protag-kun as a window to view each other how does this level of existential horror#in addition to everything he sees happen when shit gets fucky#not get more attention#like he starts off as a dick and with the support of the girls gradually opens up to show a caring sweet and mischevious side#and then BAM. trauma conga-line#and based on how ambivalent about everything - even bitter - at the start#just not interested in anything or anyone#i wouldnt be shocked if he has some depression going on there too - which starts to lighten with the power of friendship - only...... :"(#i cant get over how he was just. stuck in that classroom for that entire weekend with yuri's body. thanks to monika screwing with the code#like. what must that have been like.#ofc everyone is rightly interested in the sheer power of sapphism going on here but he can like. be there as a pet or something a;dkfa#team lesbian mascot - the generiboy lmao#ill grant i havent looked at the fic just the fanart tho#like hes not just a blank wall. he reacts based on his personality and experiences and the cause and effect#hes just as real as the girls even if he is protag-kun#the realization that he only exists to be projected upon too as monika and player are having that conversation...... man#especially with so many of his decisions being controlled by the player#its extra free-will commentary#hell make her trans and boom now theyre ALL lesbians#the other club members were just preordering lmao
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starrycassi · 23 days ago
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An engineer. An assistant. A heir.
Located on my jayvik work for silco au.
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Singed doesn't think too highly of himself.
Maybe he did, once. Young and full of passion, he thought himself the next big thing. A lifetime ago, he’d stared at the mirror and grinned, proudly eyeing the way his Academy badge gleamed under the light of his table lamp. Maybe he was foolish enough to think that it was him, him and his ideas, that would change the world. His days at The Academy are not days he recalls too often.
Then he had a daughter, and his world was reduced to her. Her smiles, and her cries, and the way she said pouted when things didn't go her way. He wanted nothing more than to give her the world. Maybe he would have, had things been different. They weren't.
Sickness came, as sickness does. People bawled, as people do. Colleagues tattled, as colleagues do. Oriana wilted away, as flowers do. Unstoppable sequence of extremely common events. When tragedy makes herself at home, the host tends to believe themselves unique in their suffering. They are not. There has been far too many parents and far too many daughters, and far too many of them have met this exact same path, have stumbled in the exact same rocks and crevices. It is what it is. It is as it should be. Death is inevitable, the sky is blue, water is wet. It is as it should be.
The casket should have been lowered, as caskets are supposed to do. It never was.
And now, Singed doesn't think of himself too highly. He knows that his intellect is unmatched, his skill is unheard of, his knowledge is craved. He is different, better, in a way that not many people are. He is, also, failing.
Oriana's face shows no change when he taps the glass of her enclosure lightly. It is not a surprise.
“Soon, my dear.” He tells his little daisy, staring at the still flesh, the closed eyes. “Do not get impatient.”
She does not answer. He is used to it.
.
Singed is a horrible person.
He knows his morals are skewed. His code of ethics is nothing but a two-page pamphlet with vague drawings of fairies in it. He is, objectively, a bad man. He has aided in the killing, torturing and general misfortune of dozens, if not hundreds, of people. It's not like he's keeping count.
“Did you do build this, boy?”
He knows how dangerous he is, even if the boy seems unaware. Thankfully for the strangely trusting young man, he is many things, but not attracted to children. That is one of the few lines he won't blur. Not because he is a father, or because he particularly cares about the wellbeing of potential victims, or because he feels some sort of empathy for the many, many kids subjected to some sort of abuse in these parts of the underground. Though he does think that it is unfortunate, as everything around here is. No. He simply has never been interested, and that’s that.
The boy —Viktor— comes by. He learns, eager for someone, anyone, to pay attention to him, to his ideas. He is silent in a way that Oriana never was, not when she was awake. At first, it is a practiced, learned quietness. The stillness of the deer who has no other option but to play dead. It evolves. Daily, Viktor starts asking more questions, suggesting more improvements. He starts to smile whenever Rio licks his cheek, batting her away with no real force. He starts to cry silently when he thinks Singed is too occupied to notice, usually while cradling a bruised arm or a broken cane. He starts to pout when things don't go his way, frowning with annoyance at whatever prototype has managed to defeat him today.
Singed wonders if his parents know where their son is, who he is with, what he is doing. Do they care? They should. He will never allow Oriana to be alone, in a secluded cave, with an unknown man and a potentially deadly animal, sometimes for hours on end, when she wakes up.
He doesn't care for the kid, not any more than he does for Rio. He is useful. Smart. Quick to understand, easy to guide. He rolls with the punches that Singed throws him, taking them with an unwavering grace. Eventually, he even learns to punch back.
“That is wrong,” Singed says, eyeing the way Viktor's tiny fingers try to mold the copper, “It is far too cold. If you can't understand thermodynamics, then you should not be on my lab. Ever.”
“I am developing a new method,” Viktor answers, not even turning around to look him in the eye, “If you can not understand innovation, then you should not carry a lab.”
“The correct word in that context would be own, or have. Possess, even. I do not *carry* the lab. It is always here.”
“You understood my idea.” Stubbornly, Viktor keeps on turning the material, making absolutely no progress. “Good enough. For me.”
.
Oriana liked ballet. Fairies. Make up. She was a stereotypical girl, with stereotypical tastes. Singed never cared about it. If she wanted to be a princess, like a hundred girls had wanted for hundreds of years before, who was he to say no?
“If I was, eh, a prince,” Viktor muses, staring into his mug. “I would fill my castle with, how you say? Food. For everyone. Blankits. Water.”
Singed hums, taking a sip of his own mug. The smell of coffee fills the room. His has a drop of whiskey sprinkled in.
“Blankets. Blan-kets. Not lab equipment? Chemical resources? Aluminum, copper, steel parts?”
Viktor imitates his gesture, using the excuse of the drink to think his answer up properly. Singed would be impressed, if he wasn't already aware of how perceptive Viktor is, how quickly he adapts. Chameleon boy and his little cane. Oriana would like him. She will, when she wakes up.
“Well, yes. After I am done feeding all the people. Then, for me, laboratory. And a new bedroom. Big bed. Thick blan-ket.”
.
He asks for parents. Dead father, alcoholic mother. No siblings. The lacking communication skills come from his grandmother, who never learned Piltover common and never explained how she ended up in the undercity. She had raised him, then died. He spoke a fully foreign language at home, which made bonding with other kids even harder. Viktor was ostracized by his circumstances. No one has his back, not fully. No one to stop him.
He offers the spare room on his main sleeping quarters. It is more of a closet than a room, but he brings a new mattress and the fluffiest pillows he can find. A heavy, yellow blanket. His various works pay decently enough for him to feed another mouth. Clothes and necessities can be figured out when the time comes.
If Singed was a better man, he might say that he did it out of care. Or concern. Maybe even out of curiosity.
Singed is not a better man. He did it for the same reason he does everything else. For Oriana.
He is not stupid. The days are passing. His age increases, increases, increases. He isn't any closer to waking her up, and his back is starting to ache when winter arrives. He is getting older, but his daughter is not.
She needs someone else. A brother, if not an assistant. Someone younger than her dad, someone to keep her company in the world. It can not be him, not anymore. His body is starting to resent him from the all-nighters and meal-skippings.
Viktor is not, necessarily, healthy. Or well liked. Not even well known. He has no responsible parents in sight (because, really, how come this child is so often with him?) and no money of his own. Singed could latch onto that. Instead, he thinks of castles with halls full of food, and decides that the way that Viktor will understand is the emotional one.
For all his talk of science and progress, Viktor is a child. Immature and temperamental. He comes with all the downsides of being a child. Fortunately, he brings the upsides, too.
Was Oriana to wake up in the next half of a decade, she would have someone to grow up with. Someone to keep at her side, to play and explore with. Oriana has always been kind. She will slow down, for Viktor, and that will make it easier for Singed to know where she is at. Was she to wake up someday after that, she would have an older caretaker. Old enough to know more about the workings of their environment, young enough to be in the loop of how the external world has changed. Viktor won't live long, not without some tweaks and fixes, but Singed would gladly make the boy a new set of lungs every single month, if it meant that he would look after Oriana.
The decision is taken. He makes sure to keep Rio in her cage. Viktor's attachment to the mutation’s vessel is a problem. Singed is not only a scientist, but a drug-dealer. He's used to solving problems, by now.
.
“Her name is Oriana.”
Viktor gapes at him, eyes wide with far too many emotions for Singed to pinpoint even one. The soft hum of the machines fills the silence for them. A mechanical heartbeat, designed for one person and one person only.
“She is…”
Whatever Viktor is about to say, dies on his lips. He hovers over the glass, careful not to touch, seemingly mesmerized by the body kept inside it. He looks like he's hyperventilating and breathing far too slowly at the same time. Singed considers, briefly, the idea that his daughter will wake up tomorrow and Viktor will be infatuated with her. That would work, too, he supposes. It wouldn't be his favorite option, but it could be manageable.
“Is she… dead?”
Ah. That's it, then. Singed, carefully, turns his words in his brain, making sure to pick and choose them with surgical precision. Viktor is not crucial to the operation, but he could be. He is smart, and lonely, and Singed knows that human nature is not impossible to mold. He could turn Viktor into something vital. He could turn Viktor into someone necessary.
“Medically? Yes. Technically? No. See those tubes? They give her the proper nutrition. The ones over there? They keep her blood flowing, artificially. Much like a water pump. It is only temporary, Viktor. I will wake her up.”
Viktor's face changes. One of the feelings seems to simmer down. He looks less scared. Singed had not realized the boy was even trembling, not until he stops. Was he put off? Probably. Viktor was a scientist, but even great scientist had a weak stomach every once in a while. He will come out of it. Singed will help. Then, Viktor will help Singed. Symbiotic relationships are not a foreign concept, specially not to undercity children.
“How will you get her alive?”
There it is. The exact same moment where the cut has to be made, the spot where flesh and bone leave a gap for a scalpel. Viktor is as much of a scientist as he is a kid, and both those sides are easily swayed with shiny new theories. Singed sees his opportunity and takes it. He talks, and talks, and talks. Curative plants, cell-regeneration properties, necessary sacrifices, nature and evolution and everything he can possibly think of that would appeal to the child. He spews back years of research in a way that would make it impossible to replicate, making sure to leave information out when he deems it necessary. Can't have a preteen run around with your life's work, now, can he?
It doesn't seem to matter. At the end, Viktor's eyes are practically shining. He seems so starstruck. So impressed. So swayed. So convinced.
“Do you understand, boy?” Singed asks, placing the palm of his hand over his daughter's bed. "If you live here, I will ask nothing of you but your help with my investigation for her. When she wakes up, you will be her friend. You will be under my protection. I will feed you and keep you, as long as you comply."
“I don't, eh, understand the theory now.” Viktor answers, voice choked with emotion, gripping his cane. “But I really, really want to. I study. I care for her. I behave.”
“I will teach you, then. You must obey me. Everything I say, yes?”
With far too much convention for a child who hasn't finished dropping his molars, Viktor nods solemnly.
“Yes, sir.”
.
Singed doesn't think too highly of himself. Soon, Viktor starts to share the same idea. His disgust with the man is a river that starts with Rio and never ends.
It's far too late when he realizes that Singed is, truly, a horrible man. He is in it far too deep. Silco tugs at his leash, never pulling, not yet.
Then, he brings in a man. Jayce Talis understands Singed in more ways than one. The theory is complete.
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mae-lou-ron · 2 months ago
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I think my favorite thing about giving yourself over to the writing process, is how you have no control over where the brainrot takes you sometimes.
Like, today started out fine writing a filthy fun little 'x reader' one shot with Jango Fett, and now all of a sudden I'm researching Mandalorian clans and armor styles, and the reader is now a Mandalorian OC and that one shot has become an outline for a chaptered longfic?
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appolojustice · 2 days ago
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Every day I wake up and see takes;;;;
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space-prophet · 2 months ago
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The cast list for my fan continuity is like 50+ characters long to the point where I've had to kill some of them because the average transformers fan should not be forced to deal with a rotating cast bigger then thier old high-school class roster no matter how badly I want to include every protecto and aerialbot how did Gen 1 do it???
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phagodyke · 4 months ago
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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sceletaflores · 3 months ago
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FINALLY HAD A GOOD JOEL MILLER FIC IDEA AFTER BEING LOST TO THE WOLVES FOR LIKE A WEEK! YAY!
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vaguely-concerned · 3 months ago
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I've been trying to figure out a dynamic between neve and rye that I find more compelling, because right now there's not much of anything there for me to sink my little teeth into. but I think I've landed on something delicious with the idea that especially after minrathous gets fucked, rye looks at neve and sees myrna -- someone he feels he keeps letting down horribly no matter how hard he tries not to and can't quite achieve the approval of/connection with that he wishes so it's better to just pull away completely and disengage rather than stay in that unshifting shame. neve is (very understandably) measured and distant with him after what happened, and he's flashing back to his student days of myrna gazing at the perpetually hungover heartbroken heap of a person of him on the other side of her desk every time he missed the deadline of a paper or project like '...can we at least both agree that this is. a bit disappointing. especially considering your potential.' (and him all smudged black eyeshadow and numb ruefulness being like 'sure that's a very kind way to put it myrna thank you'.)
aside from the 'if I let him get too deeply into this he'll go the way of brom and it'll be all my fault (again)' element, neve thinks rye is dismissing her and her city/being a bit callous in the same way he was after varric's death (listen. how fucking wild must rook's reaction to losing a beloved mentor seem to the rest of the crew who aren't seeing the blood magic paper doll ghost varric the whole time, especially those who got to see them interact. you WOULD think 'there's something wrong with this guy. putting the job first is one thing just not seeming to react at all is another this is fucking freaky', wouldn't you, especially after seeing the warmth in that dynamic in action beforehand.) perfect storm of two people who grit their teeth and turn inwards in pain deciding that not talking about it is their best bet (NEWSFLASH: IT ISN'T) lmao
(rye spent his last year of watcher training on a mostly joyless bender and then got it together enough to finish the eternal orb project last moment in a fevered near-sleepless week instead of the half a year that was intended. emmrich is both astounded and distressed to hear this. "a week? but -- but that is an astounding accomplishment rook!! and also why in the maker's good light would you ever do that to yourself?" ("well you see there was no one to stop me from doing it like that but me. and under those conditions these things tend to happen".) rye was working through/looking up stuff around transitioning and doing every kind of OTHER high level watcher research through that whole time, but ultimately he's an excellent watcher and a terrible student, at least under traditional methods. adhd from here to the fucking moon. touched by something akin to divine inspiration in moments of high tension that pulls all the threads into one coherent unbreakable cord, a bit of a frayed mess in most other settings. in our world he'd be dropping out of a masters program at the very last hurdle in this moment maker bless and protect him)
#myrna is actually really proud of him for pushing through and becoming a very fine member of the mourn watch#(and a good man)#but she is also. well. myrna. so she has never expressed as much to him. (she thought it went without saying. it did not!)#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#neve gallus#considering how satisfying the Arc with davrin has been I hope this can liven up neve and rye's interactions for me!#also very interesting and fitting b/c davrin will come for you where you live and go 'and hey btw ANOTHER THING --' no bullshit#which rye finds SO annoying but is probably why their relationship has grown so deep so quickly b/c davrin won't let him avoid him#while neve is ironically a lot more like him and it means they have a much harder time reaching each other b/c they're both so watchful#and guarded. they vibed so hard in the beginning it was all neve approves all the times b/c they have similar instincts. and now look at us#we live in the same house and politely pretend the other one doesn't exist. we're making ghosts out of each other!!!#explaining why he's semi-avoiding her. he thinks he's being thoughtful in giving her her space but uh. well.#perhaps more flight behaviour in that than he's willing to gaze at directly haha#rye looks at lucanis claiming he's a mess and goes 'oh buddy you should've seen me the first day in a year I was fully sober#and working on that fucking orb with head pounding and eyeliner running. even like this you're one of the tidiest#and most disciplined people I've ever met. you're literally fine.'#the reason the romance is so slow is not even mostly on lucanis I think rye is the slower to truly open up one in that dynamic lol#hey. I love rook. I love him so much. my trying his best underachieving babyboy who killed god when he got it together#I suspect this is going to be a situation where I've planned multiple other playthroughs#that will inevitably be hampered by '...but where is rye tho. I wish rye was here. does anyone else miss rye' lmao#for reference I've finished DA:O at least 4 times. and all four of them was sophia amell doing exactly the same things. I have a Pattern lo#a pattern I have only really broken in da:i where I have three inquisitors I care about sort of equally (adaar is my fave#but I have fondness for them all)#hawke I basically play as always the same person just AUs of him haha. what if he was a mage instead and it was somehow even sadder#that sort of thing
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